Disciplining
Children
We
have worked with many mothers, who
all wanted to feel that they are good and capable
parents. The question about
disciplining children came up many times in our conversations
with parents. Some parents
are afraid of disciplining their children, others may think discipline is the
way to win the battle or to let the children know who’s the boss.
Parents ask “do we have the right to discipline our children and what
are the helpful ways other parents use to discipline children without using
physical punishment?”
What is Discipline?
Discipline does not mean punishment.
It is a teaching/learning process where parents have a wonderful
opportunity to teach their children how to manage their own behaviours in a
safe, caring, loving and trusting environment so they learn to become
independent adults who can act responsibly.
DISCIPLINE
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Discuss strategies to deal with situations
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Include the child’s wishes and interests
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Structure the environment to be safe
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Care and understand
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Involve the child through choices and consequences
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Plan plenty of time for loving and playing
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Let go, relax and enjoy your kids
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Increase your consistency
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Notice positive behaviours
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Encourage your child
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Through
discipline you teach your child to:
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Get along with other people and respect their rights and their safety
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Not to hurt others or themselves
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Not to damage or destroy the things around them
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Learn new skills and make healthy choices
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Feel good about themselves and succeed in achieving something
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Learn to be self-disciplined |
DISCIPLINE
v CHILD ABUSE
Discipline is a learning exercise, let kids be kids and handle situations
with gentle guidance and use enthusiasm to guide your children. Learn
to be flexible and offer
alternatives and choices.
Child abuse endangers or impairs a child's physical and/or emotional
health to the point where they can experience severe emotional, social and
psychological problems.
REMEMBER:
Hitting people is wrong -
and children are people too!
Tell children you love them
Sometimes it is better to breathe deeply and deal with your emotions
before punishing your child.
Here
are some alternatives to using
physical punishment that may help in
stressful situations:
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Try
to praise your child rather than punish them so try “DO this” rather than
“DON’T”. |
Reinforce good
behaviour.
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Communicate
and work out solutions with your child.
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Take
a few deep breaths and try and relax.
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Put
your child in a safe place and leave them for a minute while you think.
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Walk
around outside for a while until you calm down.
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If
your child is old enough, talk to them about why you are angry with them.
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Write
a list about all the things that you love about your child and then share this
with them later.
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Ask
for help.
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The parent’s wisdom:
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I
find it hard to be patient sometimes. My
kids test me all the time. It’s
tricky to find out what was the reason behind their actions without being angry
at them or yelling at them. Being
curious and creative to find out a solution helps me.
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I’ve
just realized that child raising ideas come from your own up bringing and
background. My
partner has a completely different idea about
raising children. Now I have
to remind myself to be open and learn from what my partner has to
suggest.
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It
was even harder when you are living in DV. Your
partner undermined nearly everything you said to your children.One day, I just said that was enough, STOP.
I told him violence was not OK. It’s
about self-discipline- to say NO to violence.
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Be
realistic-think through what rules you want to set.
When the rules are set- please stick to it.
If not, we might confuse our children’s little mind.
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I’m
not going to hurry today. I’m
remaining calm and relaxed. Whatever
spills can be cleaned. Whatever
stuff lying around can be put away. I won’t take my anger or frustration out
on my kids because I love them. They
are important.
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